What\'s Really Important About Marriage in America?

Well as I am sure you have read, the state has made its decision on gay marriages, stating that it is unconstitutional and it is not what marriage is supposed to be. Being raised a Catholic, I always thought marriage was supposed to be between two people who loved each other, wanted to start a family together, and spend the rest of their lives together. However, marriage in this country has become everything but that it seems; marriage in this country is a status for the pompous white collar workers who want to make an impression on the higher-ups. Yet Americans continue to pass judgement on what constitutes a "marriage" when we allow all sorts of unconventional and distorted marriages to take place everyday.

I think by continuing to let couples marry for the wrong reason-which has basically desecrated the idea of marriage then future generations will keep destroying the sacredness of love and monogamy. Divorce rates in this country are already abominiable, so what would improve American marriages? Perhaps if it is legal for people to marry each other for the right reason (isn't love what marriage is about afterall?), we can rescue the idea that marriage is a serious and special commitment between two people.

Between the Anna Nicole Smiths who marry old men for money, the Britney Spears' who get hitched in Vegas for fun, the Hugh Hefners looking for young trophy wives, immigrants marrying for green cards, this country should not even have an opinion on marriage! The very people voting on these laws are the same people who are involved in sex scandals right now, humiliating their spouses in front of the nation with online sex sites and bathroom sex romps!

Perhaps the idea on marrying for love isn't a bad one, maybe it is something that should be considered. Because the message now is that marriage is between a man and a woman no matter what the terms are for the marriage. The most important part of American marriage is the sex of the individuals involved and not the marriage part itself.

I mean if we really went all the way back in time to the origin of marriage, it was more like a bartering system for men to exchange "goods." Since the wife was basically necessary for housekeeping and reproduction, she could be sought through the same means as cattle for milk or sheep for wool. Marriage to some degree fluctuates with the time period, it is now time to improve that idea again

All Men Are Created Equal?

New York State is awaiting the decision on Gay Marriages from the Senate, a decision that if not passed will be a huge embarrassment for New York State. Many people still tend to vote based on their own religious beliefs instead of what is good for the nation as a whole. But we seperated church and state for a reason. No one should be allowed to judge how other people live. In fact, catholics are supposed to believe that only god judges and people do not. However, catholics continue to judge others in this city and go against their own beliefs.

Let's forget the idea that all people should be allowed to choose how to live, of course omitting any life choices that break laws (by inflicting harm on others). Let's not think about the fact that this country was founded by people who wanted the freedom to pursue their own religions and cultures and now want to deny others those same freedoms!

So, with all that forgotten we can focus on the more important issue that involves gay marriages, which is the issue of civil rights. Because there are many groups of people in this country who know what it is like to be inferior to others, who have had to fight for basic freedoms, then these groups of people should be all the more involved in the basic rights of others as well. What Americans don't seem to understand is that civil rights for one group of people means a step in the right direction for the civil rights of ALL groups of people.
As a woman who knows what it is like to be considered inferior, who has read about the history of women who have had to struggle and then be punished and tortured just for desiring to be considered an individual, and who still has to deal with these ignorant prejudices against the female sex, I would not support laws that continue to limit the rights of human beings based on their sex, ethnicity, religion, or sexual orientation. So many groups of people have suffered already, we should not to be part of the patriarchal elite who think that they can make laws that dictate the lives of other Americans. It is time that old fashioned ideas die and a newer, better America is born.

Absolute Madness!

Not long ago I read Betty Friedan's "The Feminine Mystique" which was written in the mid to late twentieth century and the complaints and grievances were no different from those written 100 years before. Alot of the writing focused on one thing: that women oppressed and forced to stay in the domestic sphere were driven to some sort of mental illness because of their unhappiness and frustration. Still this is seen in many women writers nevermind housewives and this problem has been dubbed "The Sylvia Plath Effect." Because women, still today, display some sort of creativity in the arts are said to suffer from illnesses like Bipolar Disorder and commit suicide.

I found myself wondering, are we women mad or are we just victims of the patriarchy or maybe we are even a mix of the two? Of course, women who so easily conform or are comfortable with their feminine social expectations are neither concerned or involved with these issues, although they don't realize that they would benefit from absolute equality. Unfortunately, it is those of use who do not want to be expected to live and act a certain way, who want to make decisions that govern our own lives, who do not always act and dress appropriate to our sex that need to keep fighting for social equality, empower the matriarchy for a change.

Although, it seems difficult to achieve such goals when all of us who cannot conform are either mad or have the potential to be mad. Perhaps it is just the madness of oppression and its constraints that make us seem crazy or lead us to such severe depression that there is no way out but insanity and death. Just maybe something to think about before we go nuts...

Mutilating Our Little Girls

It's amazing how many violent and horrible things are being done to women all over the world and little we know about it in the U.S. Topics like rape, and torture like female genital mutilation are often touched upon on talk shows and new shows but we really don't do anything about them. Maybe we feel bad for moment that we are being told these horrible stories, but that's all. The reason that feminism comes in waves and dies out is because we as women don't stick together. We don't see each other as sisters, as a team. We're all in competition against each other and that's the way it has been since the beginning of time.

But when there is something as evil and degrading going on in other parts of the world, we forget that women really need to be united because it is our mothers, sisters, and daughters out there who are being tortured and rights for one group is a step in the right direction for everyone.

The topic of female genital mutilation is extremely important to EVERY woman in the world and the actual procedures involved are not often clear. However, the first step in improving a this situation is being aware of it and unless you watch Oprah you probably don't know all that is involved in this type of torture.

The young underaged girl is held down and forced to undergo the procedure either for cultural or religious beliefs but is the removal of most of a woman's sex organs necessary to honor god? I know lots of people have done crazy things in the name of religion but is destroying our natural bodies a sign of devotion?

Mothers are involved in letting this happen to their daughters; none of the women have a choice. Can you listen to your daughter screaming and struggling as she is being cut into- a torture that will only inflict more torture for the rest of her life because she is risking all types of infections and not to mention painful intercourse and child births

The first step to making a difference in the world is obtaining the knowledge; so even you inform one more person about the horrible acts that are being inflicted on women, you have already made a difference.

To Be a Mom, or Not to Be?

A mother can be a scary word to women nowadays because no matter how old we are all faced with the pressure of becoming mothers, whether it is from our own mothers or from society itself. And even if that wasn't enough pressure Mother Nature herself pressures us to be mothers by limiting the amount of time we have to get pregnant. So there starts the scramble of women, forced to juggle jobs, boyfriends, weddings, pregnancies, families, figures and motherhood.

Not much has changed in the minds of women from my mother's time until now, unfortunately. We all feel a certain pressure to find the perfect mate and bear him children all before a certain age, nothing is more frightening than becoming society's "Old Maid." I mean even in the card game "old maid" the loser is the one left with the single queen in their hands. Why is it that a single woman is such a horrifying thing? Do we pay much attention to men who choose to live out the rest of their lives alone, certainly they don't feel as much pressure to hurry and settle down and start a family before their good looks and child bearing years come to an end.

For women like me, who are not out searching for anyone to fulfill the role of "husband" right away but do want to be mothers some day have some interesting alternatives than my mother did. Now, I don't need a husband to conceive nor do I have to get pregnant at all to have children and have a family. Is my family any less of a family if I have no acting father and husband? Is my family any less of a family if it consists of two mothers or two fathers instead? Some families are not even tied by genetics at all but that does not prevent them from loving and taking care of each other nonetheless.

My family is not altogether happy about the idea of my becoming a mother without a husband but this conscienceness only recycles the idea to the future generation of women that they must grow up too quickly, find a mate, deceive him into marriage so that they may procreate and design the ideal family before menopause kicks in and their husband is forced to deal with an old lady for a life partner. Whether I conceive a child or adopt one this cycle breaks with me. I won't continue to allow my daughter to think in this manner and focus only on her body and its functions to dictate the rest of her life. The pursuit of happiness is our main concern as human beings and if what we choose to do inflicts no harm on others or ourselves than we should be able to accept the choices our loved ones make. Well, happy mother's day! Until next time...

Monogamy and the Modern World

Everyone settles because the idea of being alone is far worse than being with someone who depletes your self esteem. Is that what the idea of modern romance has boiled down to?

As a woman, I was taught not to let men step all over me, that it was unacceptable to forgive a straying lover, be spoken to like an inferior, give up all of my life choices to fulfill only the husband's dreams, despise lies and manipulation and abuse in any and all of its forms. But all around me I see that no one seems to abide by any of these rules, man or woman. A friend of mine continues to see his ex-girlfriend after she has humiliated him by sleeping around and posting photos of it on the internet for him to see, my cousin continues to stay with her boyfriend of ten years and two children despite countless infidelities and refusals to committ, an aunt of mine stays married to her husband even finding that he has had girlfriends on the side and peruses through online dating sites and my uncle wallows alone in self misery allowing his ex-wife to clean him out financially and emotionally, yet continues to see her in between her new boyfriends. Even I continue to pick up phone calls from an ex-boyfriend, knowing that all he wants are one night stands.

Why do so many of us allow other people to take advantage of us? Are love and sex so overpowering that we abuse ourselves for small moments of pleasure? Because even when a relationship is good or great, once it turns sour there is no going back to when love was new and innocent. We can continue to forgive and try to forget but nothing will ever be the same again. Aren't we just fooling ourselves when we continue to let others take advantage?

Maybe some of us are just pre-ordained to be the world's bitches, thinking that one day this person will change their mind, or that somehow we can change them? Being alone is a miserable state, being alone is torturous and scary. But no matter how low my self-esteem is I like to think I deserve what I put into a relationship. If am faithful don't I deserve fidelity in return? If I am honest, dont I deserve the truth? I guess it all comes down to one question really; everyone must consider the weight of being alone to that of being abused but attached. However, I feel like the world is cheating itself, cutting itself short by settling. Can it be really that impossible to find someone you can be friends and lovers with, someone who shares the same ideals as you? I guess it is that impossible, so many people will continue to stay in unhealthy situations.

There is also the other half of us who refuses to be a victim. I rather stay alone than be in an unhealthy relationship, watch others couple-up around me no matter how dysfunctional their relationship may seem, do I really have the upper hand? Am I cheating myself by not settling? Is it better to share your bed with a faithful cat than an unfaithful lover? As much as I or any of us drive ourselves crazy trying to figure out the best way to deal with monogamy, we can only do what we can to survive heartbreak and loneliness. However, I will continue to remain on the side of those who refuse to settle, no matter what that means. The modern world is no longer a place for hopeful romantics.