Everyone settles because the idea of being alone is far worse than being with someone who depletes your self esteem. Is that what the idea of modern romance has boiled down to?
As a woman, I was taught not to let men step all over me, that it was unacceptable to forgive a straying lover, be spoken to like an inferior, give up all of my life choices to fulfill only the husband's dreams, despise lies and manipulation and abuse in any and all of its forms. But all around me I see that no one seems to abide by any of these rules, man or woman. A friend of mine continues to see his ex-girlfriend after she has humiliated him by sleeping around and posting photos of it on the internet for him to see, my cousin continues to stay with her boyfriend of ten years and two children despite countless infidelities and refusals to committ, an aunt of mine stays married to her husband even finding that he has had girlfriends on the side and peruses through online dating sites and my uncle wallows alone in self misery allowing his ex-wife to clean him out financially and emotionally, yet continues to see her in between her new boyfriends. Even I continue to pick up phone calls from an ex-boyfriend, knowing that all he wants are one night stands.
Why do so many of us allow other people to take advantage of us? Are love and sex so overpowering that we abuse ourselves for small moments of pleasure? Because even when a relationship is good or great, once it turns sour there is no going back to when love was new and innocent. We can continue to forgive and try to forget but nothing will ever be the same again. Aren't we just fooling ourselves when we continue to let others take advantage?
Maybe some of us are just pre-ordained to be the world's bitches, thinking that one day this person will change their mind, or that somehow we can change them? Being alone is a miserable state, being alone is torturous and scary. But no matter how low my self-esteem is I like to think I deserve what I put into a relationship. If am faithful don't I deserve fidelity in return? If I am honest, dont I deserve the truth? I guess it all comes down to one question really; everyone must consider the weight of being alone to that of being abused but attached. However, I feel like the world is cheating itself, cutting itself short by settling. Can it be really that impossible to find someone you can be friends and lovers with, someone who shares the same ideals as you? I guess it is that impossible, so many people will continue to stay in unhealthy situations.
There is also the other half of us who refuses to be a victim. I rather stay alone than be in an unhealthy relationship, watch others couple-up around me no matter how dysfunctional their relationship may seem, do I really have the upper hand? Am I cheating myself by not settling? Is it better to share your bed with a faithful cat than an unfaithful lover? As much as I or any of us drive ourselves crazy trying to figure out the best way to deal with monogamy, we can only do what we can to survive heartbreak and loneliness. However, I will continue to remain on the side of those who refuse to settle, no matter what that means. The modern world is no longer a place for hopeful romantics.
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