Being Pregnant Sucks

Pregnancy. Let me tell you I have gotten a lot of flack for expressing my distaste with carrying children into this world. If you know me then you know I can be a chronic bitcher and complainer from time to time. And pregnancy was no different for me. Sorry but I hated it. Almost every minute of it. I really had high expectations for it and I had planned in my head exactly how my pregnancies were going to go. All of that planning was done in vain. I wanted to be that fit pregnant woman who was doing yoga hand stands at nine months- you know those videos that go viral like the one of the pregnant chick bench pressing? Yeah, I expected my pregnancy to be a less extreme version of something like that. I expected I would be active; I would have a doula and I would avoid a c-section at all costs. None of these things happened for me. My fit pregnancy plans expired when I ran into some spotting early on in my first pregnancy. It had taken me awhile to get pregnant in the first place and I was terrified of losing this pregnancy. When my doctor told me to stop exercising and just stick to walking to take it easy I listened. I ate lots of fruits and salads and craved lots of veggies during my first pregnancy and I wore my fitbit and walked as much as possible since it was all I could do. And so at 8 weeks pregnant I was already not the fit kind of pregnant I imagined I would be. I honestly really don't enjoy anything at all about being pregnant except for the feeling of the baby moving inside me. Even the uncomfortable jabs in the ribs were fine with me because I knew the movement meant I had a healthy active baby inside me and I loved it. It was the only thing I missed. But everything else I absolutely despised. The raging hormones would make me nauseous and I had unexplainable reasons for avoiding certain foods I once enjoyed. Until this day I still can't stomach the sight of chicken. (It was my go-to protein prior to being pregnant). The exhaustion was another symptom I had a hard time adjusting to as well. I am used to being quite active and goal oriented- I am very rarely NOT doing something whether it was chores around the house, personal projects or working on exercise and meal prepping. Pregnancy turned me into a sleeping machine. I was always tired and always felt the need to doze off no matter where I was. I remember being in a work meeting and feeling my eyes closing right in front of my boss! And I had no control over it. I would come home from work and crash for the night. Things didn't get done around the house and I had no motivation to care. I exercised daily before my first pregnancy and was used to the amazing energy serge I had afterwards and this was a complete 360. Next, I thought that I would absolutely enjoy eating as a pregnant woman. I thought I would be hungry all the time and need to eat foods I normally wouldn't to satisfy bizarre cravings but that wasn't the case either. I hated eating. I couldn't wait to eat after I gave birth. I was especially displeased at the long list of foods that were off limits including medium rare beef and feta cheese! Why feta cheese??!! I craved it so badly during my pregnancy that I would have to seek out pasteurized non imported versions to toss on all my salads. And I brought that feta with me everywhere. Non physical reasons for hating pregnancy have to be people's comments. It is like being in an uncensored alternate universe when you get pregnant. I mean people I never even spoke to before felt the need to comment on everything from my growing butt and the size of my baby bump. I had to hear everything from whether I was too small for my size or if my bump was too big. People would estimate that my baby was going to be HUGE based on the size of my bump and that pissed me off entirely. (My daughter was born at 7lbs exactly so goes to show you how accurate people are with their annoying comments). When you really start to get big in your last trimester, you can be prepared to hear shit like "You are going to pop any day now!" Like who the fuck asked you?? Sorry not sorry but expect some pregnant women to be super cranky at the end. The bigger you get the harder it is to sleep comfortable. I don't care what wrap around body bamboo pillow you buy. You can't fucking sleep. Trying to turn from side to side is so increasingly difficult as the months drag on. And I used to wake up repeatedly with these cramps in my pelvic area. They would hurt if I stood still so I would have to jump out of bed and try to walk them off. Well jump is a far cry from the truth. It is more like I would have to teeter out of bed. Next has to be the amount of times I had to pee during pregnancy. It started for me almost immediately-fun fact: early on pregnancy hormones increase urine production- yippy! It's like a foreshadowing of what the next 9 months will be like. I could barely leave the house worrying if there would be easy access to a bathroom. I honestly never had to pee so much in my life. Well this about sums up the major reasons I hated being pregnant. I know some women love it and my experience by no means reflects anyone else's but my own. Let me know what you thought about being pregnant. Share it below.

#Momlife - When Shit Gets Real

I know I talk about being a stay at home mom alot. I know I complain too. But truth is there's alot to fucking complain about! We all know the endless amount of tasks expected of women so I am not going to even get into that- but let's talk about something else - something that I least expected when I became a mom of two under two. I am just going to come out and say it- I completely underestimated the amount of feces I would encounter on a daily basis. Yes feces. No like seriously? What do I feed this kids??!!!

Sometimes I really question myself since I am the one home during the bulk of my kids bowel movements. (Seriously, no pun intended). But this issue is something I did not expect when I imagined my life with 2 toddlers. There are lots of mom struggles when your kids depend on you for all of their basic human needs. And yes cleaning poop does come with the job- that wasn't the surprise. The surprise was literally how much poop would come out of such tiny humans and how often, including at all the worst times of the day. It's basically unlike any other experience I have had prior to raising my kids. You know you have a busy morning (and this is true regardless of whether you're a working mom or a sahm) you are getting ready, you are getting the kids ready, everyone has to eat but cannot unless you provide the food and water and even assist them in ingesting it and the YOU yourself must also perform basic human necessities like brushing teeth, washing face, eating and drinking but of course like a good mom all my children's needs come first. And just when they are done with their food and I have fed them their last spoonful of whateverthefuck I can clean their tiny faces and fingers and take a deep breath and finally take a bite of something myself. But then it happens. That little butt pops out in a toddler sized squat and their faces scrunch up and redden and then there is the death stare - focusing on absolutely nothing at all but what is happening in their diaper. Now if you missed all these signs you can wait for the smell - kind of like a cartoon where a stream of green putrid mist is floating up into the hair and then it finally hits someone in the nostril- that's basically what happens when kids poop. I tell you a mom must have been the one to design that animated concept. This is the part where you now must stop eating whatever it was you were looking forward to as you drooled over preparing everyone else's meals and then proceed to clean this pooptastrophy (of which I will spare you any descriptive details on what will come out of your child). I will leave some elements of surprise for you if you have no children of your own yet. While you are cleaning one - the other runs into a semi hiding position and you know, you just fucking know they too are taking a shit! This is going to be multiple poop diapers in a row before you even immersed yourself in your own breakfast! Now tell me really, who the hell even wants to continue eating breakfast at this point? Most of the time breakfast becomes a meal that takes me a few hours to finish because by the time I can stomach eating anything at all again someone is bound to do something nauseating. If your question is do my children's shit ruin my appetite? Yeah it fucking does! It's gross; I don't care what you think. Gagging over my kids' bowel movements does in no way reflect my ability to parent and if you are going to stand there and tell me you never wanted to hurl during a diaper change than you are a damn liar! Or you are just a psycho who likes the smell of shit! You pick. How can I go on and on this long about feces. Well, have a few kids and you will find out. Because I haven't even ventured into the territory of changing a poop diaper in a public place yet. That is a whole special type of physical horror that you have yet to encounter if you do not know what I am referring to. Have you ever been far from a public restroom or sans changing table and had to do the whole inside-the-carriage-hope-I-dont-get-shit-on-anything diaper switcheroo? Nevertheless, I haven't even touched on blowouts! Blowouts are what new moms think won't happen to them because they will always use the appropriate size diaper and be more careful than other moms. I know I was one of those moms too. Rookie mistake! But then I got a reality check in the form of a shitsplosion that ruined multiple cutesy baby outfits I could no longer save without the terrible memory of what occurred in them. I love my babies. I do. And they will probably hate me for writing about their shit in the pubic blogosphere - but I am in the spirit of keeping mommyhood real- the good, the bad, and the shitty. And shit is about as real as it gets honey. One time I even kept a tally of how many poop diapers I changed in a day and then I sent that number to my husband who was busy at work and could care less. True story. I don't know if I was looking for some kind of defecation trophy or just a "thanks for wiping my kids' butts, honey" but I finally realized I might just be going a bit a crazy (blame it on the daily inhalation of toxic fumes). Either way needless to say no one was really impressed. But for new moms and future moms, it is really not all shitty. And if we can find humor in the parts that aren't so great than we've already won half the battle!

Is This Modern Mom Life?

Being a stay at home mom is one of the hardest jobs that I have ever done. When I was sitting at my desk in my office 8 months pregnant, I had these delusions that being home with my daughter would be easy, peaceful and stress-free. I would have tons of free time around taking care of her and be able to complete all of these personal projects before going back to work full time. Well, I was wrong. Really wrong. I mean seriously where did I get these visions of motherhood from? I really thought I was going to be my best self at home, that chores would be done and I would be done up with hair and makeup and get my workouts in and my pre-baby weight would just fall right off. Maybe it was really ignorant of me for having these kinds of thoughts but coming to terms with the actual reality of staying home I think is more disappointing than the job itself. First, I really had to learn to stay away from social media and went as far as removing the apps from my phone because I felt like it was slowly contributing to my mental decay. Social media when you are a stay at home mom is like living in a house and looking out the window to a cardboard cut out of a sunny day. Everyday is a pretty picture but its not what's real and after awhile you miss seeing the rainy days and the snow storms because that is what's real. I got tired of seeing moms who supposedly have their shit together and maybe they actually do. Kudos to them. But now that I have two children under two years old I can barely get my shit together. My hair is lucky its washed most days and I have had to buy clothes several sizes up from what I was used to wearing. My hair is mostly gray at the roots and just pulled back in a messy ponytail. I barely recognize myself when I look in a mirror. My glasses are on instead of contacts and I am mostly exhausted and less ambitious than I used to be. As far as house work, it feels like I am Sisyphus. Constantly rolling that boulder of chores only to watch it get undone each and everyday. There is no end to laundry and dirty dishes and even when you think you got ahead the hamper is full of dirty clothes yet again. When I started working out and preparing healthy meals I used to eat, I only found myself juggling too much as the babies needs are always first and rightfully so. I have no resentment for that. But when I tried having parts of the life I used to have before children I only grew disappointed in myself for not being able to balance everything. I found that having absolutely no expectations for myself during the day made me a nicer mom instead of a mom who felt like she was always failing. Now I work part time and thought that this would help me recover a sense of self. Not having many adult conversations and absolutely no time for breaks to think single mental thoughts instead of multitasking many thoughts can eat at your soul. There are days that I wake up and forget that I am an individual with my own personality; instead I am constantly computing mentally what everyone around me needs to function and neglect myself. This kind of mom stress lessens over time, so I hear when your children get older and they no longer rely on you for everything. But this period of adjusting to motherhood is a hard one and I think we owe it to one another to admit it. I don't think that having a hard time being a mom or adjusting to being a mom is something we should be embarrassed to talk about or admit. In fact, we should be able to swap war stories with one another and talk about how we dealt with it or are dealing with it. It is something I find that we cannot really talk to our husbands about either. It is hard for some to understand all that we do and have sacrificed when they still get to keep their individuality in tact. It is like they just add "dad" to their resume where we have to basically dump ours in the trash. When you are home everyday it is easy to forget all that you were and all that you did before you had children. I know that this stage of motherhood doesn't last forever. I am sorry if I sound ungrateful for all that I have because I am not. I love my children and am thankful everyday that I get to stay with them and grow them up the way that I want to. It is a beautiful thing for me to see them grow and develop in each stage of life while learning about their own likes and dislikes. Their little kisses and smiles are what makes me keeping getting up everyday and repeating the monotony. Maybe this is a generational mom struggle and has everything to do with the fact that we as women are not grown and bred to just marry and make babies. We had lives before we have children now since we are having them much later in life than other generations. We have careers and educations and we are able to choose not to be stay at home moms if we don't to. Not all of us are great with children and we don't have to be these days, we can choose to show our children what our strengths are and just as importantly what our weaknesses are too. We do not all have to be June Cleaver. And it's about time we assure ourselves that we don't have to be. That we don't have to live up to a fake picture of motherhood.

A Not so Feminist Interview

It is true what they say about meeting some of your heroes or people in the world that you most admire. They do not always live up to the standards we hold them to. I think it is hypocritical when women who work for the equality of other women are just not decent human beings to begin with. How can you believe in a cause that promotes civil rights and equality and than discriminate against someone? I had an unfortunate experience interviewing with a woman last year; she is well known in the feminist world through her writing, political activism and her work with women's rights and abortion. Currently, she is running her own Planned Parenthood type clinic in NYC. I had read some of her work before and had a skype interview with her assistant the week before the interview and I was really hyped about working for a woman that was not only an icon to the struggle for civil rights but lived through the second wave of feminism and had so much rich history with women's rights in NYC. I was interviewing for a position to work with her in her clinic and even if I did not get the job I was happy to be meeting her in person and hoping to be inspired to continue struggling in the writing world. I had taken a train through severl boroughs for this interview and was so nervous I arrived early. It had taken me about 2 hours to get there by public transportation. When I walked into the clinic I was surpirsed to discover young minority women scattered around the waiting room, surrounded by pictures of one white woman holding picket signs. Also, snipets of her books and articles published on her in picture frames adormed the walls as well. To me, Something wasnt right; this place was designed to support women who could not afford reproductive health care and instead looked like a museum or shrine to the woman who was in charge of it all. I looked around the walls and read the articles as I waited for my interview, still not sure why there wasn't more information on birth control and safe sex instead but I shrugged it off because I had traveled a long way and was very interested to meet this particular woman who was the star of her own wallpaper. When she called me into her office, finally; she did not smile but was very terse. She asked me a few general interview questions but hardly looked up at me and stood behind her computer screen. I went from being nervous to confused in an instant. Why had she called me down to come here for an interview when this woman was treating me like I was not even a person. Just by looking at me, she assumed that I was much younger than I am and therefore inexperienced which was extremely rude and judgemental. She flat out told me that I was a waste of her time and not what she was looking for without ever really taking her nose off the computer screen. I walked out of that room in less than 2 minutes without hardly saying anything about myself; she had treated me the way men treated women in the workforce in Mad Men. I turned the door knob to leave her office and wanted so badly to shout expletives at her and make her feel as small and insignificant as she had made me feel but instead I walked out and dumped her book in the garbage in the lobby and never turned back. I couldnt help but hold back tears as I walked back to the subway. It is overwhelming to be consumed with disappointment after meeting with a woman that sounded admirable behind a pen and paper but in reality was just enforcing the social stigmas she was supposedly fighting against. It all made sense now, why the clinic was a self absorbed shrine to herself and the women inside it were nothing more than patients, not people, not women, not individuals. And I was treated the same way when I entered. I couldn't help but be angry as well; how dare she think that my time is not as valuable as hers! I had traveled awhile to get here just to be treated like garbage! Had such an important and educated woman not gone over my resume before calling me and asking me to come in only to turn me away after a single glance?! Was I not the young white ivy league educated woman like herself that she was looking to hire? Or was being cruel to other women some kind of sick amusement? Some people do like to model the hierarchy they once struggled against; perhaps this was the case? I did not realize it then but I know now that she had done my a favor or I might be writing a sequel to The Devil Wears Prada at this very moment. So if she reads this one day and recognizes herself I hope she receives my Thank You. Thank you for opening my eyes to the fact that not all women who call themselves feminists and engage in social feminist circles are truly feminists or practice feminist ideals in their own life. I do not think that I am the only adult woman who has ever walked out of that office the same way and I am sorry for whoever really did get that unfortunatle position.

Not Your Grandmother's Breakfast At Tiffany's

I am a big fan of Audrey Hepburn and her work and I went to see Breakfast At Tiffany's live on Broadway with the apprehension that no one could play Holly Golightly the way Audrey portrayed her in the 1961 film. But Emilia Clarke was not Audrey's Holly Golightly; in fact, she recreates the character in a way that 1961 Hollywood could not portray Holly. Holly is a young woman who tries to escape love and the stigmas that are associated with it like marriage and patriarchy by using them to her financial benefit. In other words, she's a hooker. She uses men of course to climb the social ladder but men are disposable and she uses them as she sees fit; yet, they cannot help falling in love with her. We all understand what Holly's profession is in the movie but the rawness of her speech and actions is missing from the film,perhaps because it just wasn't acceptable to portray women with sex and vulgarity in 1961? We can even argue that she was a pioneer for gay rights as well! The film will always be special to me but I do not think I fully understood Holly's complexity until I saw the play nor did I appreciate the effect that Holly has on Fred's sexuality or his climb up the social ladder. Holly, in the play teaches Fred what society is all about and how the game is played. Holly might be, dare I say, a more feminist character than I had originally thought. We see a gender role reversal with Holly and Fred because the woman in this era is not trying to mimic the male work ethic and infringe on his sphere. Instead, Fred is doing what we might originally expect Holly to do and this is to copy male behavior to fit into corporate America. However, Fred is so disappointed with the white collar industry that he begins to copy Holly's tactics to gain higher positions and more money. In the end, Holly becomes almost like a legend who has touched each man's heart (and wallet, of course) but continues to disappear and reappear like a mirage. Holly does not end up happily ever after at the end with her male love interest. She foregoes love, marriage, and motherhood altogether even though she was so close to obtaining the American dream lifestyle for Friedan era women. She not only loses her chance to make that lifestyle a reality but I think she was more content and relieved to give it up and continue her pursuit for freedom. The play ends with Holly running off alone, to freedom perhaps.

Women Through Time

How well does history know women? We have been occupying this Earth for hundreds of years, we are 1/2 the population and yet century after century society enforces new social norms for women, completely neglecting their actual needs and desires.

Slut Walk NYC

If you have a vagina then chances are you have been called a "slut" at least once in your life. But what is worse than being called a "slut" is being told that you ask for certain violent and unwanted sexual behavior.
"Asking for it" is not a new concept, not for women. But when men who are educated with women, living with them, in addition to having sisters, mothers, and daughters, are making comments that victims of rape and sexual assault are dressing or acting like "sluts" and therefore, bringing on themselves this violent behavior,then we, as a society, have a huge problem on our hands.
When someone is mugged in the street do we blame the robber or do we blame the victim? Well if they did not have a purse or a wallet then it would not have happened. Ridiculous concept no? Then why is it ok to blame rape victims?
It's not.
The activity of blaming women for their sexual attraction is also no new concept. Men have always blamed women for their own lack of control of their own bodies. As if it is somone else's fault that they can't keep it in their pants.
That is where the SlutWalk comes in. It is a feminist movement that wants to rectify the connotation of the word "slut." And although some feminists are calling the Slutwalk ridiculous and a joke, well at least these women are standing up and doing something about feminism which is moving backwards again. The Slutwalk has been in many U.S. and Canadian cities and is making its way to NYC on October 1st.
And it is definately needed in this city, especially under the wake of several rapes and assaults that are being dismissed. Remember the 2 NYC police officers who were recently acquitted of raping a drunken woman they were supposed to be helping get home safely? The newspapers mentioned quite often that she was under the influence, insinuating that she brought this type of treatment on herself. And what kind of message are we sending to police officers, that it is ok to rape, especially when the girl is a "slut?" And what message are we sending to young women, that no where is safe?
Recently, another NYC police officer Michael Pena was accused of raping a school teacher at gun point, using the same gun he is supposed to be protecting citizens with. And why shouldnt he? The last two of "New York's Finest" rapists got away with it!
Not to mention, Dominique Strauss Kahn who was just today released of criminal charges for sexual assault. More and more we are sending men the message that it is ok to rape and assault women because well they are "sluts" and "sluts" deserve that type of behavior.
As bizarre and useless as the Slutwalk may seem to other women and feminists, I think its great that someone is going to do something to remind MEN and WOMEN that another wave of feminism needs to begin, that young girls and boys are getting the wrong impression about proper bahavior.
For more info check out the Slutwalk NYC facebook page!

Women's Firsts

1. In Saudi Arabia in 2008, the first women only university was opened.

2. In the year 2000, Ingrid Daubechies is the first woman to win the National Academy of Sciences Medal in Mathematics.

3. 2010, Giorgia Boscolo is the first official woman gondolier in Venice.

4. Astronaut Dr. Peggy Whitson became the commander of the International Space Station in 2007.

5.Senator Hillary Clinton won the New Hampshire presidential primary and made history by becoming the first woman to do so.

6. Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin became the first female vice presidential candidate on the Republican ticket.

7. In 2007, Nancy Pelosi becomes the first woman Speaker of the House of Representatives.

8. Kathryn Bigelow wins the Best Director Oscar in March 2010 becoming the first woman ever to win the award.

9. 2006, Effa Manley becomes the first woman elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame.

10. November 1, 2010 Dilma Rousseff is elected Brazil's first woman leader.

As long as women are still accomplishing things for the "first" time then women are still not equal to men.

Feminism in the Kitchen

I love the Food Network just as much as the next girl and enjoy experimenting in the kitchen without all of that feminine fuss that is associated with being the perfect hostess and housewife. As much as I enjoy the women chefs on the Food Network I must admit that they seem to all be popped out of the same "Susie Homemaker" mold. But I recently came across a female chef with an in your face personality and just as much creativity with food as any other cook out there.
I accidentally found the show "Bitchin' Kitchen" on the Cooking Channel which airs on Wendesdays at 10:30pm and I can not tell you how refreshing it is to watch a cooking show with a woman chef who does not embrace the stereoptypical female house wife role.
Nadia G is the show's host and she is loud, opinionated,funny,and of course "bitchin.'" Her humour and sarcasm make the show more like a comedy sketch and you learn how to make a few awesome dishes as an added bonus.
You might find Nadia a bit intense or annoying but I think that is part of her charm.
The show is unconvential and features episodes that focus on themes like break up foods, and meals to make when you are angry. Her kitchen set is a sight in itself not to mention her rockin' fashion sense.
I can't help but love that she is a loud mouth italian woman like myself who likes to cook some tradition italian meals with a little twist,

Check out my new favorite chef, Nadia G on the Cooking Channel and let me know what you think!

Witchy Woman

Since Halloween in upon us I thought it would only be necessary to discuss witches, a powerful representation of women. The connotation of the word "witch" can divert into more categories, like an intricate spider's web.
Perhaps the reason I have always loved witches since I was a girl is due to The Wizard of OZ. I never had an affiliation with Glinda or Dorothy; they were both so quiet, and compliant and they never stood out to me. The Wicked Witch on the other hand, she had power; she worked alone (okay, she had the flying monkeys to help) but she went after what she wanted and she put her plans into motion. Granted, she didn't use her power for "good" but unlike Dorothy she was not looking for a man to come and save her i.e. the wizard. The Wicked Witch was never frightened to walk the streets alone, never worried she wouldn't find "prince charming," didn't need anyone to save her. She was completely unlike any of the female characters directed at young girls and I loved her!
Hence began my obsession with witches and perhaps why Halloween is my favorite time of the year. As I got older and began to learn about witches and how their power has marred history forever it is no wonder that these women were feared for the intellect and power they possessed. The fear of powerful women caused the deaths of hundreds of innocent people in Europe and the U.S.
Can you believe that the thought of women being able to cast spells and take control of their own lives scared the shit out of men to that extent??!! If that doesn't display the power women have then I don't know what does!
So if you are not normally a strong and confident woman perhaps you can tap into your inner witch this sunday and do something to exercise some power, even if it's teaching your dog a new trick. (And no, I wasn't referring to your boyfriend).

Happy Halloween!

Cool your JETS

The recent attack on Mexican sports reporter Ines Sainz has brought back to date a very age old idea: that women "ask" for certain negative attention from males based on how they dress.

For some reason, I was under the impression that that school of thought had been dying out; but apparently, I am wrong. Men, especially sports players, are exempt from being held accountable for their own behaviors and actions. Men are portrayed as uncontrollable sex crazed animals and we as women have to walk on egg shells in order not to risk provoking the sex hungry beasts. Instead of portraying men as human beings who have a conscience and a knowledge of acceptable and unacceptable behavior, we point fingers at the females victims.

Sainz has awoken the many terrible aspects that the whore/virgin dichotomy proposes. The "whore" is a "bad" woman and therefore, justifiably subjected to all types of lude male behavior such as harrassment, groping, rape, etc. Had Sainz entered that locker room in a long skirt and turtle neck sweater and possibly been less physically attractive we would know nothing about her. In all honesty, is she dressed any less provocative than the any of the JETS cheerleaders? What is the difference? The difference is sometimes men are intimidated by an attractive woman with power and use lude sexual behavior as a way to intimidate and patronize her in order to feel a sense of power within themselves. And when we as women say that women like Ines Sainz's code of dress gave men the right to condescend her, we are giving men like the Jets players right to treat us all this way.

But what is it about women who are comfortable with their sexuality that scares men and brings out the worst in their behavior? What is it about them that makes men AND women focus the blame entirely on women and not on men? Have we not advanced that much as a species that we still believe men suffer from some primate-like inclination to act like animals? I like to think that we know better and we know that, man or woman, we are human beings with the ability to rationalize better conduct towards the opposite sex.

With this consciousness we know that no one "asks" for negative attention in the same way no one conducts themselves to attract muggers or bullies. The rationalization of an idea like this can not exist; it's impossible. In 2010 I am sorry I even had to hear a phrase of that nature, coming out of the mouths of female news reporters no less!

If you still go around believing that certain girls and women "ask" to be harrassed or raped and somehow deserve to be treated brutally because of how they dress then I am sorry but I have to honestly question your mental capacity to rationalize.

Both women and men need to put an end to this type of mentality so we do not teach our sons that that type of behavior will be excused or teach our daughters that harrassment or rape is something they brought upon themselves.

Feminism at the Brooklyn Book Festival

Feminism was definately not dead in brooklyn today. The Brooklyn Book Festival was rampant with many feminist writers as well as publishers and feminist literature.
Despite the weather, the streets were full of publishers, agents, writers and fans and a good number of them feminist!

At a panel entitled "You've Come a Long Way Baby, Or Have You?" several feminist writers:Rebecca Traister, Leora Tanenbaum, and Jennifer Baumgardner discussed feminism and how it related to the 2008 election. They brought up and discussed many important topics but one that I really thought was amazing was the fact that no one brought up the historical achievements of the women involved in the election. For instance, Hillary Clinton made history as the first woman to win the New Hampshire Democratic presidential primary; yet no one made reference to it at all!

But what I enjoyed most about the panel was that feminism is still alive and kicking! It was so exciting to see all these women and men gathered to listen to and discuss how many more obstacles women have yet to face. It's a small reminder that maybe feminism is not completely dead afterall

Pop Starlet Vs. Rocker Chick

Rocker Chicks like Shirley Manson and Courtney Love have always been amazing to me as a girl and even now. The idea of a woman able to dress how she wants, rock the guitar, spew out "fuck you" lyrics and just not give a shit about the rules of being "a lady" has always impressed me.

Now when you compare them to the pop star who always worries about being in shape, wearing the sexy clothes and making the sugary love songs, it seems they are almost the epitome of the female societal role, the sex symbol. Don't get me wrong there are pop stars who teeter on the edge and break some rules but the rocker chick seems to exhude a more powerful woman.

However, the bad ass rocker chick seems to have died down, and in a world where the American woman can exert more power, the bimbo like pop star is what has become prevalent. I don't understand why bands like Halestorm are not more popular than they are and instead American girls choose to listen to Mandy Moores and Britney Spears'.

Not only do American girls listen to alot more female pop music but they also want to be just like them. The shallow, materialistic image who looks like a porn star but acts like a submissive doll. I am not saying all pop stars are like this but this is overall the image that they portray.

I don't think we give enough credit to guitar playing, song writing rockstars and i think it is because no matter how many liberites women enjoy for some reason the new generations of women are reverting back to gender roles and trying harder to be the submissive, image-obsessed automaton that American society and the media want them to be.

We need to stop promoting women to act and remain like little girls. We need to stop glamorizing the school girl image and encourage women to act like full growm adult women. The school girl image sells because it promotes this idea of innocence and passivity but also brings with it a load of sexual implications.

The image of an adult woman is a more powerful one, less virginal and let's face it america is obsessed with women being virgins even in a day and age where our hymen isn't being traded for cattle and a suitor!

Women, put down your Coach bags and Botox injections for a minute and look at the example you are setting for your daughter! It is enough that she is getting this idea from the music she is listening to so perhaps you can set a different example: That women are worth more than their virginity and their looks and that they have the opportunity to be powerful and make changes, something too many women outside of this country know nothing about.

Let's not waste our opportunities.

Happy 90th to the 19th!

Today is the 90th anniversary of the 19th ammendment. For those of you who do not know which one that is- it is the one that gave women the right to vote. It is true; women have unfortunately only been voting for 90 years in this country.

Sometimes I cannot believe how fresh an idea equality for women really is. But on the bright side, women have come a very long way in 90 years. And what is most remarkable about the women of the early 1900'sis how determined they were and how hard they fought to pave the way for women today.

Their determination and courage are admirable and I think that these qualities are what is missing from women today. For the most part,the feminist struggle has almost died out and has become replaced with virgin/whore pop icon. Girls today want to grow and be like Britney Spears all the while having no idea who Elizabeth Cady Stanton is and what she has accomplished. It seems we have almost forgotten that women have brains and because of the suffragettes we are able to use them. But some women prefer to play the role of the dumb blonde.

Today most women no longer feel the need to rectify the sexism in the workplace, on tv or at home in our own families, while the women responsible for the 19th ammendment marched in streets and conducted meetings at Seneca Falls and rewrote the Declaration of Independence. Today's women seem more preoccupied with clothing labels and Coach bags and less about making the world better for their daughters so that maybe one day there will be a female president.

For the most part, women have forgotten about the struggle and the hard work and sacrifices. Not one news broadcast has mentioned the fact that the 19th ammendment is celebrating its 90th birthday. It would be tragic to forget that women were not considered equals and for the most part are still not. We need to remind each other that women have worked hard to get to where they are now.

Keep the memory of the 19th ammendment alive!

Murdering in the Name of the Lord?

Abortion is always a touchy subject so instead of arguing pro choice I would like to bring to light the irony of The Army of God and their involvement in attempting and succeeding in killing doctors and clinic workers.

The murder of George Tiller is not new news to anyone and it was in fact not the first attempt on his life. Unfortunately there are many groups of people who shed blood in the name of god and are in fact shaming their religions.

Any religious person regardless of which gods or goddesses they believe in can tell you that religion is about love, especially Catholics/Christians which believe that god is love. These extremists are breaking the very commandments they believe in. I find it impossible that their god would waive "Thou Shall Not Kill" only under certain circumstances! That's ridiculous!

Has no one ever thought how ironic it is for people to murder in order to put an end to what they think is murder? If you truly believe that abortion is wrong then how does taking the life of another human being make your opinion valid?

Though we all cannot agree on abortion, we must at least agree that the shootings, blombings, and arsens involved in destroying clinics and their workers is disgusting and unethical to say the least. I am not afraid to state that I am pro choice and I think I am open to listen to other people's ideas and views on the subject but with extremists or terrorists, whatever you want to call them- I have no tolerance for them.

I grew up in Catholic schools and I think one thing that drew me away from that religion is the intense amount of hypocrisy that goes on within the church and its followers. I thought I was learning about loving and helping and nurturing and unfortunately found that people do alot of evil things under god's name. If you believe murder is wrong than committing murder is WRONG, no matter who is doing the killing or whom they are killing.

The Army of God is a sad, pathetic group of human beings who are easily brain washed and manipulated by other evil doers. There website is a disgusting display of bible quotes that are supposed to justify their murdering and they hail those in jail for murder as "American Heroes." Tillman was a husband and father.

Can you imagine a website that praises the murder of your father?! It's appalling and astonishing how anyone can be part of such a group of people. I really don't want to get too deep into the abortion debate but this type of behavior can not possibly be justified.

I could not possibly even stay on the site for long without feeling horrified that people even think like this let alone gather together to act on these thoughts. There site in no way exhudes a holy environment, visiting feels more like being guilty for being involved in a hit and run.

These physchos should be mentally evaluated and imprisoned.

The Virgin/Whore Dichotomy

If you're a woman then you are either a virgin or a whore. There is no grey area. And if you are a virgin then you are automatically considered "good" and if you are labeled a whore then you are automatically considered "evil." This is an age old issue for women while men are praised for the amount of notches they can add to their belts.

The problem is that women are most often judged solely based on their sexual experiences, this is where their value and worth stems from. People have a hard time NOT judging women based on who is or has been in their beds, when it is none of their business in the long run and for the most part we are misjudging what important characteristics and talents women can bring to the table because we are afraid of how comfortable they are sexually.

It is no secret that men and women are anatomically created to enjoy sex, so why do we act so surprised when women participate willingly in sexual activities? Why is society so afraid of strong, vocal women who are comfortable with their bodies and their sex lives? Men are encouraged to lose their virginity as soon as possible while women are encouraged to save it for as long as they can. Why does there have to be an influence at all?

Little girls are named Chastity and Prudence in hopes that they will instill these virtues throughout their lives. Instead of being taught that sex is not evil they are taught that if a boy really loves you he will wait until you are both married. The instillment of marriage is another problem all together but I'll save society's interference on marriage for another day.

Every woman knows what it is like to be the virgin and the whore at some point in her life. The virgin is eventually made to feel guilty once she crosses over that threshhold and instead of encouraging young women the proper healthy way to be sexually active and being in control of their own bodies we brainwashing them into thinking that they must remain virginal little girls well into adulthood.

These are the only two types of women presented in the bible through the Virgin Mary and Mary Magdalene. These are the only types of women that girls get to be familiar with and neither of these "types" have accomplished anything worthwhile other than abstaining from sex. How the hell does abstaining from sex have anything to do with women as individual people?!

It is not easy for men and women to see women as people who have individual interests, talents, and personalities when we are too busy teaching boys and girls that good little girls remain virgins and bad little girls are sexually active. Next time you find yourself juding a women on her sexual experiences rather than her actions perhaps you will take the issues in this blog into consideration.

Perhaps you will teach your sons and daughters that the virgin and the whore is as ancient and outdated an idea as the world is flat and not round.

Pad, Tampon, or Diva Cup?

It is always the same question isn't it? Pads or tampons?

Every group of girls left to their own devices has had the conversation promoting their own personal preference in regards to their menstrual hygiene.

Some women swear by tampons while others feel healthier using pads but isn't it time that we have a more modernized way of dealing with our periods? Seriously,I vote against both; they are both uncomfortable and annoying in their own ways and we would think that in the year of 2010 we would be using some high tech sanitary something, no?

However, I did come across something called "The Diva Cup;" I know the name is pretty ridiculous but this seems to be the most innovative thing on the market. This "cup" can only be purchased on the website which gives plenty of information on how it works, although I wouldn't mind having a visual aid to fully comprehend its use. ( http://www.divacup.com/) I have yet to come across anyone who has ever tried this device and am wondering if anyone has any insight on it.

Anyway, I guess I will have to do some research myself and get back with a response, at least until some female scientist somewhere comes up with a better solution.

Physicians or Drug Dealers?

Have you been to the psychiatrist, orthopedic, or even your primary care doctor recently? Chances are you were able to score on a pill of your choice, a pain killer or a relaxer, something highly addictive despite its medical benefits.

The problem is not that doctors are prescribing these drugs but that they are over prescribing them. When a patient comes in to your office that is clearly hooked on Percocet and would honestly wait in your waiting room for 4 hours just for the magic script that will allot him 90 pills in one month, then isn't it against some medical code to give the patient what they want, instead of what is more beneficial to their overall health?

Let's begin with the fact that John Smith Patient continually sees Dr. So and So for a pain injury for over 10 years. For ten years Smith has been taking Vicodin with a side of Xanax and for ten years Dr. So and So has been happily writing the script. But the patient is hooked, he can't function without his pain killers and he gets irritable when he doesn't get his pills on time. Smith doesn't work because he's collecting disability due to his injury so now he sits home and pops pills in front of the tv.

Dr. So and So knows all the side effects to the medications he's prescribing; it's his job. He knows very well that they are addictive and most of all that patients are not supposed to be on them long term. But he gives them anyway...why?
Maybe because they are a sure fire way for patients to return monthly and with each monthly visit doctors get to bill the insurance companies for a follow up visit when all they did was write patients like John Smith a script. When you get many patients like John Smith perhaps they seem less like people whose lives are being destroyed by prescription drugs and more like very easy dollar signs.

So what exactly is the function of physicians these days? Are they caretakers who nurture our health and teach us to better take care of ourselves or are they partnering with drug companies to make some quick bucks off of our stupidity and vulnerability?

It looks as though we must enlighten ourselves before seeing our doctors, learn about the pills we take before we swallow them. Because despite the government regulations on narcotics, they are very easy to get. In fact, I haven't met many people who haven't come in contact with them some way or another.

Perhaps healthcare reform should start focusing on these doctors that prescribe narcotics for too much and for too long.

Mind your big FAT business!

Everyday we hear people making comments about weight, regardless of sex. I hear both men and women say dispicable and embarassing judgemental things about other people and their size. If there is one thing I genuinely despise it's people who do not mind their business about other people's body types.

Just in my workplace alone I hear other women making comments to other women about wether they have lost or gained 10lbs, these women who are by far fitting into any perfect body category themselves! It is just plain rude to bring that topic up with anyone- I am sorry no one is close enough with anyone to ever make those types of remarks. And in fact it just not your business, plain and simple.

Listen, if I don't ask your opinion on anything about me or my appearance, then just don't give it. I don't need help or tidbits on how i dress, or do my make up, or even what to listen to on my ipod- so i damn well don't need any help on deciding if I am overweight or underweight! In fact, I don't see why you would care anyway!

If you find yourself in one of the categories of people who are always watching other people's weight than read it loud and clear: GET YOURSELF A LIFE! Stop being a rude, inconsiderate bitch, you most definately are not helping anyone with your ignorant statements. Your only making an ass out of yourself.

If I want to down two ice cream cones and pile of fries well that's probably because you annoyed me with your nosy comments. If I want to eat 2 carrot sticks and a salad well that's also probably because of your nosy comments. So do the rest of the world a favor watch you own waist, not mine!

It's ridiculous to have these people walking around thinking that they are involved in some secret weight watcher's police. If your worried about fat than worry about your fat nose in everyone else's business! Oh by the way...this cheesebuger tastes awesome...you should try it sometime!

Jobless Generation?

I have been noticing a change in our generation from those of us who graduated college in 2006 to the present. Maybe it's just me, but everyone around me is either losing their job, unable to find one, or unable to find one in their field. This situation is making for some depressed, over anxious and just plain miserable citizens of the world.

Yeah, we're in a depression; everyone realizes that. But trust me, it makes no one feel better that the world is taking a one way trip to hell and we are all stuck on the downward spiral. Between unemployment and the natural disasters that have been plaguing earth this year, it seems that there may be no hope for the future.

The situations are becoming redundant, SoandSo loses their job, becomes depressed, gets prescription meds and starts to feel like they are losing their minds. It is no longer a few people going through a bad hump but almost damn near EVERYONE!

I apologize, I know there are a few people out there who still have their jobs, theirs careers and seem altogether uneffected by the problems of the world. But it is time to peek outside your microcosm and realize that other people on this planet are going through some serious hard times. And it is affecting them financially, physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Who ever thought that we would be in such a state of peril and turmoil during their own generation? At eighteen, all i knew was that I was going to college, getting a degree, and eventually conquering the world; however, I never imagined myself suffering from anxiety, working at a dead end job, and still living at home with my parents. No, it doesn't help that there are thousands of young adults in the same situation.

The worst part is that it is not over. We still have yet to fully feel the effects of the oil catastrophe in the Gulf of Mexico. Yeah, it's wreaking havoc in the southern fishing industry right now but it hasn't spread globally yet and believe me it will.

All these problems stem from the fact that the earth has become a breeding ground for greedy and mindless human beings who are more worried about making their next dollar and less worried about deceiving their family and friends. We are in for a more dramatic wake up call before the priorites of society change. It is just a shame so many people have to suffer be we do.