Is This Modern Mom Life?

Being a stay at home mom is one of the hardest jobs that I have ever done. When I was sitting at my desk in my office 8 months pregnant, I had these delusions that being home with my daughter would be easy, peaceful and stress-free. I would have tons of free time around taking care of her and be able to complete all of these personal projects before going back to work full time. Well, I was wrong. Really wrong. I mean seriously where did I get these visions of motherhood from? I really thought I was going to be my best self at home, that chores would be done and I would be done up with hair and makeup and get my workouts in and my pre-baby weight would just fall right off. Maybe it was really ignorant of me for having these kinds of thoughts but coming to terms with the actual reality of staying home I think is more disappointing than the job itself. First, I really had to learn to stay away from social media and went as far as removing the apps from my phone because I felt like it was slowly contributing to my mental decay. Social media when you are a stay at home mom is like living in a house and looking out the window to a cardboard cut out of a sunny day. Everyday is a pretty picture but its not what's real and after awhile you miss seeing the rainy days and the snow storms because that is what's real. I got tired of seeing moms who supposedly have their shit together and maybe they actually do. Kudos to them. But now that I have two children under two years old I can barely get my shit together. My hair is lucky its washed most days and I have had to buy clothes several sizes up from what I was used to wearing. My hair is mostly gray at the roots and just pulled back in a messy ponytail. I barely recognize myself when I look in a mirror. My glasses are on instead of contacts and I am mostly exhausted and less ambitious than I used to be. As far as house work, it feels like I am Sisyphus. Constantly rolling that boulder of chores only to watch it get undone each and everyday. There is no end to laundry and dirty dishes and even when you think you got ahead the hamper is full of dirty clothes yet again. When I started working out and preparing healthy meals I used to eat, I only found myself juggling too much as the babies needs are always first and rightfully so. I have no resentment for that. But when I tried having parts of the life I used to have before children I only grew disappointed in myself for not being able to balance everything. I found that having absolutely no expectations for myself during the day made me a nicer mom instead of a mom who felt like she was always failing. Now I work part time and thought that this would help me recover a sense of self. Not having many adult conversations and absolutely no time for breaks to think single mental thoughts instead of multitasking many thoughts can eat at your soul. There are days that I wake up and forget that I am an individual with my own personality; instead I am constantly computing mentally what everyone around me needs to function and neglect myself. This kind of mom stress lessens over time, so I hear when your children get older and they no longer rely on you for everything. But this period of adjusting to motherhood is a hard one and I think we owe it to one another to admit it. I don't think that having a hard time being a mom or adjusting to being a mom is something we should be embarrassed to talk about or admit. In fact, we should be able to swap war stories with one another and talk about how we dealt with it or are dealing with it. It is something I find that we cannot really talk to our husbands about either. It is hard for some to understand all that we do and have sacrificed when they still get to keep their individuality in tact. It is like they just add "dad" to their resume where we have to basically dump ours in the trash. When you are home everyday it is easy to forget all that you were and all that you did before you had children. I know that this stage of motherhood doesn't last forever. I am sorry if I sound ungrateful for all that I have because I am not. I love my children and am thankful everyday that I get to stay with them and grow them up the way that I want to. It is a beautiful thing for me to see them grow and develop in each stage of life while learning about their own likes and dislikes. Their little kisses and smiles are what makes me keeping getting up everyday and repeating the monotony. Maybe this is a generational mom struggle and has everything to do with the fact that we as women are not grown and bred to just marry and make babies. We had lives before we have children now since we are having them much later in life than other generations. We have careers and educations and we are able to choose not to be stay at home moms if we don't to. Not all of us are great with children and we don't have to be these days, we can choose to show our children what our strengths are and just as importantly what our weaknesses are too. We do not all have to be June Cleaver. And it's about time we assure ourselves that we don't have to be. That we don't have to live up to a fake picture of motherhood.

A Not so Feminist Interview

It is true what they say about meeting some of your heroes or people in the world that you most admire. They do not always live up to the standards we hold them to. I think it is hypocritical when women who work for the equality of other women are just not decent human beings to begin with. How can you believe in a cause that promotes civil rights and equality and than discriminate against someone? I had an unfortunate experience interviewing with a woman last year; she is well known in the feminist world through her writing, political activism and her work with women's rights and abortion. Currently, she is running her own Planned Parenthood type clinic in NYC. I had read some of her work before and had a skype interview with her assistant the week before the interview and I was really hyped about working for a woman that was not only an icon to the struggle for civil rights but lived through the second wave of feminism and had so much rich history with women's rights in NYC. I was interviewing for a position to work with her in her clinic and even if I did not get the job I was happy to be meeting her in person and hoping to be inspired to continue struggling in the writing world. I had taken a train through severl boroughs for this interview and was so nervous I arrived early. It had taken me about 2 hours to get there by public transportation. When I walked into the clinic I was surpirsed to discover young minority women scattered around the waiting room, surrounded by pictures of one white woman holding picket signs. Also, snipets of her books and articles published on her in picture frames adormed the walls as well. To me, Something wasnt right; this place was designed to support women who could not afford reproductive health care and instead looked like a museum or shrine to the woman who was in charge of it all. I looked around the walls and read the articles as I waited for my interview, still not sure why there wasn't more information on birth control and safe sex instead but I shrugged it off because I had traveled a long way and was very interested to meet this particular woman who was the star of her own wallpaper. When she called me into her office, finally; she did not smile but was very terse. She asked me a few general interview questions but hardly looked up at me and stood behind her computer screen. I went from being nervous to confused in an instant. Why had she called me down to come here for an interview when this woman was treating me like I was not even a person. Just by looking at me, she assumed that I was much younger than I am and therefore inexperienced which was extremely rude and judgemental. She flat out told me that I was a waste of her time and not what she was looking for without ever really taking her nose off the computer screen. I walked out of that room in less than 2 minutes without hardly saying anything about myself; she had treated me the way men treated women in the workforce in Mad Men. I turned the door knob to leave her office and wanted so badly to shout expletives at her and make her feel as small and insignificant as she had made me feel but instead I walked out and dumped her book in the garbage in the lobby and never turned back. I couldnt help but hold back tears as I walked back to the subway. It is overwhelming to be consumed with disappointment after meeting with a woman that sounded admirable behind a pen and paper but in reality was just enforcing the social stigmas she was supposedly fighting against. It all made sense now, why the clinic was a self absorbed shrine to herself and the women inside it were nothing more than patients, not people, not women, not individuals. And I was treated the same way when I entered. I couldn't help but be angry as well; how dare she think that my time is not as valuable as hers! I had traveled awhile to get here just to be treated like garbage! Had such an important and educated woman not gone over my resume before calling me and asking me to come in only to turn me away after a single glance?! Was I not the young white ivy league educated woman like herself that she was looking to hire? Or was being cruel to other women some kind of sick amusement? Some people do like to model the hierarchy they once struggled against; perhaps this was the case? I did not realize it then but I know now that she had done my a favor or I might be writing a sequel to The Devil Wears Prada at this very moment. So if she reads this one day and recognizes herself I hope she receives my Thank You. Thank you for opening my eyes to the fact that not all women who call themselves feminists and engage in social feminist circles are truly feminists or practice feminist ideals in their own life. I do not think that I am the only adult woman who has ever walked out of that office the same way and I am sorry for whoever really did get that unfortunatle position.

Not Your Grandmother's Breakfast At Tiffany's

I am a big fan of Audrey Hepburn and her work and I went to see Breakfast At Tiffany's live on Broadway with the apprehension that no one could play Holly Golightly the way Audrey portrayed her in the 1961 film. But Emilia Clarke was not Audrey's Holly Golightly; in fact, she recreates the character in a way that 1961 Hollywood could not portray Holly. Holly is a young woman who tries to escape love and the stigmas that are associated with it like marriage and patriarchy by using them to her financial benefit. In other words, she's a hooker. She uses men of course to climb the social ladder but men are disposable and she uses them as she sees fit; yet, they cannot help falling in love with her. We all understand what Holly's profession is in the movie but the rawness of her speech and actions is missing from the film,perhaps because it just wasn't acceptable to portray women with sex and vulgarity in 1961? We can even argue that she was a pioneer for gay rights as well! The film will always be special to me but I do not think I fully understood Holly's complexity until I saw the play nor did I appreciate the effect that Holly has on Fred's sexuality or his climb up the social ladder. Holly, in the play teaches Fred what society is all about and how the game is played. Holly might be, dare I say, a more feminist character than I had originally thought. We see a gender role reversal with Holly and Fred because the woman in this era is not trying to mimic the male work ethic and infringe on his sphere. Instead, Fred is doing what we might originally expect Holly to do and this is to copy male behavior to fit into corporate America. However, Fred is so disappointed with the white collar industry that he begins to copy Holly's tactics to gain higher positions and more money. In the end, Holly becomes almost like a legend who has touched each man's heart (and wallet, of course) but continues to disappear and reappear like a mirage. Holly does not end up happily ever after at the end with her male love interest. She foregoes love, marriage, and motherhood altogether even though she was so close to obtaining the American dream lifestyle for Friedan era women. She not only loses her chance to make that lifestyle a reality but I think she was more content and relieved to give it up and continue her pursuit for freedom. The play ends with Holly running off alone, to freedom perhaps.

Women Through Time

How well does history know women? We have been occupying this Earth for hundreds of years, we are 1/2 the population and yet century after century society enforces new social norms for women, completely neglecting their actual needs and desires.

Slut Walk NYC

If you have a vagina then chances are you have been called a "slut" at least once in your life. But what is worse than being called a "slut" is being told that you ask for certain violent and unwanted sexual behavior.
"Asking for it" is not a new concept, not for women. But when men who are educated with women, living with them, in addition to having sisters, mothers, and daughters, are making comments that victims of rape and sexual assault are dressing or acting like "sluts" and therefore, bringing on themselves this violent behavior,then we, as a society, have a huge problem on our hands.
When someone is mugged in the street do we blame the robber or do we blame the victim? Well if they did not have a purse or a wallet then it would not have happened. Ridiculous concept no? Then why is it ok to blame rape victims?
It's not.
The activity of blaming women for their sexual attraction is also no new concept. Men have always blamed women for their own lack of control of their own bodies. As if it is somone else's fault that they can't keep it in their pants.
That is where the SlutWalk comes in. It is a feminist movement that wants to rectify the connotation of the word "slut." And although some feminists are calling the Slutwalk ridiculous and a joke, well at least these women are standing up and doing something about feminism which is moving backwards again. The Slutwalk has been in many U.S. and Canadian cities and is making its way to NYC on October 1st.
And it is definately needed in this city, especially under the wake of several rapes and assaults that are being dismissed. Remember the 2 NYC police officers who were recently acquitted of raping a drunken woman they were supposed to be helping get home safely? The newspapers mentioned quite often that she was under the influence, insinuating that she brought this type of treatment on herself. And what kind of message are we sending to police officers, that it is ok to rape, especially when the girl is a "slut?" And what message are we sending to young women, that no where is safe?
Recently, another NYC police officer Michael Pena was accused of raping a school teacher at gun point, using the same gun he is supposed to be protecting citizens with. And why shouldnt he? The last two of "New York's Finest" rapists got away with it!
Not to mention, Dominique Strauss Kahn who was just today released of criminal charges for sexual assault. More and more we are sending men the message that it is ok to rape and assault women because well they are "sluts" and "sluts" deserve that type of behavior.
As bizarre and useless as the Slutwalk may seem to other women and feminists, I think its great that someone is going to do something to remind MEN and WOMEN that another wave of feminism needs to begin, that young girls and boys are getting the wrong impression about proper bahavior.
For more info check out the Slutwalk NYC facebook page!

Women's Firsts

1. In Saudi Arabia in 2008, the first women only university was opened.

2. In the year 2000, Ingrid Daubechies is the first woman to win the National Academy of Sciences Medal in Mathematics.

3. 2010, Giorgia Boscolo is the first official woman gondolier in Venice.

4. Astronaut Dr. Peggy Whitson became the commander of the International Space Station in 2007.

5.Senator Hillary Clinton won the New Hampshire presidential primary and made history by becoming the first woman to do so.

6. Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin became the first female vice presidential candidate on the Republican ticket.

7. In 2007, Nancy Pelosi becomes the first woman Speaker of the House of Representatives.

8. Kathryn Bigelow wins the Best Director Oscar in March 2010 becoming the first woman ever to win the award.

9. 2006, Effa Manley becomes the first woman elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame.

10. November 1, 2010 Dilma Rousseff is elected Brazil's first woman leader.

As long as women are still accomplishing things for the "first" time then women are still not equal to men.

Feminism in the Kitchen

I love the Food Network just as much as the next girl and enjoy experimenting in the kitchen without all of that feminine fuss that is associated with being the perfect hostess and housewife. As much as I enjoy the women chefs on the Food Network I must admit that they seem to all be popped out of the same "Susie Homemaker" mold. But I recently came across a female chef with an in your face personality and just as much creativity with food as any other cook out there.
I accidentally found the show "Bitchin' Kitchen" on the Cooking Channel which airs on Wendesdays at 10:30pm and I can not tell you how refreshing it is to watch a cooking show with a woman chef who does not embrace the stereoptypical female house wife role.
Nadia G is the show's host and she is loud, opinionated,funny,and of course "bitchin.'" Her humour and sarcasm make the show more like a comedy sketch and you learn how to make a few awesome dishes as an added bonus.
You might find Nadia a bit intense or annoying but I think that is part of her charm.
The show is unconvential and features episodes that focus on themes like break up foods, and meals to make when you are angry. Her kitchen set is a sight in itself not to mention her rockin' fashion sense.
I can't help but love that she is a loud mouth italian woman like myself who likes to cook some tradition italian meals with a little twist,

Check out my new favorite chef, Nadia G on the Cooking Channel and let me know what you think!